A Moment of Respite

[delta_one]

Things had been quiet the past month - Jason had made a rather commanding statement to the powers in Treadstone that he was not to be looked for, which had bought them a quiet life on the beach. Marie gave tours, engaged the locals and he kept to the background, managed the books and worked on maintaining the equipment.

They didn't want for much, not with the accounts he had access to, but they lived modestly all the same. Marie worked during the day and David wrote. Some days it was only random snippets in other languages. Arabic. Farsi. Urdu. Other days it was code that even he couldn't put together. Delta One. Cain. But Marie encouraged him to keep at it, to keep trying to find some trigger to his memories, something to help him put it together again.

Some days David wasn't sure he wanted to know.

He slid out of bed early that morning, careful not to disturb Marie. For just a moment, he reached down to gently smooth back her hair. His light. He'd be lost without her. Truly lost.

David bypassed the journal on the kitchen table. Time to make coffee and simply drink in the sunrise.

Comments

[reluctantaccessory]

Some days the system came to her naturally, others she had to remind herself and think her way, through it. She had become used during her time alone to moving lightly, almost as if she had never been there.

She would be in agreement with feeling almost normal while they were lying together. If it would not be for the momentary reminders of everything that had happened, she knows they both feel like any "normal" couple. Most of the time, she would stay awake long enough for for David to fall into whatever sleep he was going to get for the night, but that particular night? She made sure to stay awake into the morning. She only got some rest when the afternoon had come and they had closed for a few hours.

She watched as he hesitated. "Making breakfast too? Do you want any help this time?"

She had learned how to cook a long time ago, she could make a few things and guess her way around plenty of others and still make something halfway decent. She gives a little amused smile at the thought of the last time he tried. It was thoughtful that he at least tried and the results were always a surprise.

[delta_one]

It was enough that Marie kept him close on those nights - holding him and reminding him softly that he was safe. There were days when David had a hard time hanging on to reality, but he could always reach out and find Marie. She was warm, strong, and he had never loved anyone more.

Turning his head to nuzzle into her hair, he smiled and just basked in the moment. Just another man with the woman he loved. Not a spy with huge gaps in his memory, he was just.. David.

"I was thinking I'd try something easy this time. Maybe pancakes?"

[reluctantaccessory]

She would always do so until he told her or showed her that he wanted otherwise. She would remind him of that often. That it would never change no matter what happened. She would serve as the anchor he needed.

It was the moments like this, the quiet ones that always seemed too short, that she was reminded that she had been correct about him in the first place. But, they were also the moments where she had started to forget everything that had happened, what she had been forced to become. Though, she could also say that she did not regret one single moment of it.

After a moment, she turned to embrace him, resting her head on his shoulder for a moment. A way of saying "thank you" and a way of reminding him that he could rely on her.

There was a little bit of a teasing tone of voice when she replies, "Pancakes? That would be easy. I think you could do it without much trouble, no...I know you could." If he listened carefully, he would probably tell there was a wide smile on her face now, a truly happy and content one in just how she said those words.

"Just remember to write your dream down...I promise you it will help. Don't wait too long."

[delta_one]

The quiet moments were the ones that helped pull David back to the present. Memories, no matter how brief, of a peaceful life where he was needed and loved. Safe. He didn't have fugue states often anymore, but when he did, it was always Marie who brought him back.

He laughs softly at her faith in him. Whatever he had done to ear someone so incredible he doesn't know - but it means everything to him. "If you're feeling up to the risk of me in the kitchen again."

David's smile tightens and he shakes his head. "Some days I don't think I want to remember. Who I was.. I don't think I would like him very much."

[reluctantaccessory]

The quiet moments were something that she was thankful for having. It gave her a way to guide him back from those states but it also gave her a few moments to give her own mind a sense of peace. It also reassured him that he was indeed wanted, loved, and safe. She knew they never lasted long enough, but there was more than enough of them to make up for the length of each one.

"You know if it ends up going badly in there, I'll just come right in there and fix it. I did that the last time, remember?" She shuts her eyes holding back a tiny chuckle at the memory. It only had taken her a moment to take control of the kitchen and salvage the burning food and make it edible enough for them. Though, the end result to his labor certainly had an interesting taste.

"I don't think you'll have that much trouble with making pancakes." She looks at him when she realizes that he was laughing softly. It makes her feel a little more at ease now and it eases her worry some more. However, it lasts only a second.

With a silent sigh, Marie pulls back a little and grasps his hand again, lacing her fingers with his. Her smile fades a little as she begins to speak. "Why don't you want to remember? Why do you think you wouldn't like him very much? What if you miss out on remembering something good?"

She wanted to understand why he did not want to. She saw how not knowing affected him sometimes and she had thought that remembering would ease some of it, if it could not relieve it entirely.

"You're strong, you know this." She grips his hand a little tightly. "You're strong."

[delta_one]

"I think I can handle pancakes," he murmurs, keeping Marie close for another moment.

The question gets a momentary pause before he tugs Marie towards the kitchen so they could talk. It's closer to the journal, but it's also something he needs to get out, something he needs to talk out with the one person outside of Alex Conklin that he trusts.

"Jason. He's violence. I wish I could explain, but he's.. darkness. Everything I don't want. Every time he threatens to come to the surface I have to push it back because I'm afraid it's going to ruin what we have here." Slowly he scrubs a hand across his face.

"I don't know if there's anything good there."

[reluctantaccessory]

She allows him to keep her close and then tug her into the kitchen. She sees the journal out of the corner of her eye.

Hearing it put that way, she at first can only find herself nodding. She tightens her grip on his hand and gently rubs the back of his hand with her thumb. "That's not -you-. You are not him. That is not the man you are. You know that, right? You are a good man, the light. You can keep it back, I know you can. It also won't ruin anything if we both don't let it."

She pauses when he mentions that he was not sure there was anything good there.

Eventually, she starts to speak again. Her tone still unwavering,"You can't know the answer to that unless you try. If you don't, are you sure you will be happy? These nightmares might be connected to not remembering." She moves her free hand towards his face and caresses his cheek gently.

"Just, it's your mind. We can take a break from trying to remember for now? Just live in the moment, like this?"

[delta_one]

As much as David would like to think that - he's not so certain most days. Marie is right and he knows it. He can't keep hiding, he can't keep back what he'd been. The longer he keeps it back, the more in danger he is of a break. He huffs gently into her hair. "Conklin thinks I need a therapist."

An idea he'd immediately shut down. What if he had a flash while in therapy? Could some poor therapist deal with an assassin?

"Just for today?" A hand smooths down her back. "I don't want to remember today. I just want today with us."

[reluctantaccessory]

"A therapist? It's a good idea, in theory..."

She has the feeling that he had shut that idea down as soon as it was mentioned, though she understood why. If he did have a flash in the middle of a session there was even the slightest chance that he wouldn't come back home to her. However, if he did break? She wondered what she could do to bring him back if he got to that point. Was there anything?

"I'm going to keep reminding you of this, being a broken record...you can trust me. With anything." She just wants him to know that if he can't speak to anyone else, he could with her.

She nods burying her face into his chest. "We can do that, a little longer even, if you want. Just us."

[delta_one]

He wraps his arms around her, keeping her close and breathing in the faintly floral scent of her hair. In theory, a lot of things were good ideas, but unleashing someone like Jason Bourne on a therapist was assuredly not one of them.

"I know. But I don't want you to be afraid of me," he murmurs softly. Marie is his anchor, the one thing that keeps David firmly in control. Where he needs to be. "I just want to be who I should have been all along."

[reluctantaccessory]

Marie shuts her eyes when he wraps his arms around her, letting herself relax a little bit.

"I'm not afraid of you. Not of you." She murmurs back, her voice slightly muffled. With a breath, she shuts her eyes for a few moments and just stays still before adding, "I just want to help you to do that, to stay that person. Let me help you, if you don't want a therapist to. Let me shoulder some of this with you, my love."

She wraps her arms around him, a simple attempt to keep him in place.