A Moment of Respite

[delta_one]

Things had been quiet the past month - Jason had made a rather commanding statement to the powers in Treadstone that he was not to be looked for, which had bought them a quiet life on the beach. Marie gave tours, engaged the locals and he kept to the background, managed the books and worked on maintaining the equipment.

They didn't want for much, not with the accounts he had access to, but they lived modestly all the same. Marie worked during the day and David wrote. Some days it was only random snippets in other languages. Arabic. Farsi. Urdu. Other days it was code that even he couldn't put together. Delta One. Cain. But Marie encouraged him to keep at it, to keep trying to find some trigger to his memories, something to help him put it together again.

Some days David wasn't sure he wanted to know.

He slid out of bed early that morning, careful not to disturb Marie. For just a moment, he reached down to gently smooth back her hair. His light. He'd be lost without her. Truly lost.

David bypassed the journal on the kitchen table. Time to make coffee and simply drink in the sunrise.

Comments

[reluctantaccessory]

The quiet moments were something that she was thankful for having. It gave her a way to guide him back from those states but it also gave her a few moments to give her own mind a sense of peace. It also reassured him that he was indeed wanted, loved, and safe. She knew they never lasted long enough, but there was more than enough of them to make up for the length of each one.

"You know if it ends up going badly in there, I'll just come right in there and fix it. I did that the last time, remember?" She shuts her eyes holding back a tiny chuckle at the memory. It only had taken her a moment to take control of the kitchen and salvage the burning food and make it edible enough for them. Though, the end result to his labor certainly had an interesting taste.

"I don't think you'll have that much trouble with making pancakes." She looks at him when she realizes that he was laughing softly. It makes her feel a little more at ease now and it eases her worry some more. However, it lasts only a second.

With a silent sigh, Marie pulls back a little and grasps his hand again, lacing her fingers with his. Her smile fades a little as she begins to speak. "Why don't you want to remember? Why do you think you wouldn't like him very much? What if you miss out on remembering something good?"

She wanted to understand why he did not want to. She saw how not knowing affected him sometimes and she had thought that remembering would ease some of it, if it could not relieve it entirely.

"You're strong, you know this." She grips his hand a little tightly. "You're strong."

[delta_one]

"I think I can handle pancakes," he murmurs, keeping Marie close for another moment.

The question gets a momentary pause before he tugs Marie towards the kitchen so they could talk. It's closer to the journal, but it's also something he needs to get out, something he needs to talk out with the one person outside of Alex Conklin that he trusts.

"Jason. He's violence. I wish I could explain, but he's.. darkness. Everything I don't want. Every time he threatens to come to the surface I have to push it back because I'm afraid it's going to ruin what we have here." Slowly he scrubs a hand across his face.

"I don't know if there's anything good there."

[reluctantaccessory]

She allows him to keep her close and then tug her into the kitchen. She sees the journal out of the corner of her eye.

Hearing it put that way, she at first can only find herself nodding. She tightens her grip on his hand and gently rubs the back of his hand with her thumb. "That's not -you-. You are not him. That is not the man you are. You know that, right? You are a good man, the light. You can keep it back, I know you can. It also won't ruin anything if we both don't let it."

She pauses when he mentions that he was not sure there was anything good there.

Eventually, she starts to speak again. Her tone still unwavering,"You can't know the answer to that unless you try. If you don't, are you sure you will be happy? These nightmares might be connected to not remembering." She moves her free hand towards his face and caresses his cheek gently.

"Just, it's your mind. We can take a break from trying to remember for now? Just live in the moment, like this?"

[delta_one]

As much as David would like to think that - he's not so certain most days. Marie is right and he knows it. He can't keep hiding, he can't keep back what he'd been. The longer he keeps it back, the more in danger he is of a break. He huffs gently into her hair. "Conklin thinks I need a therapist."

An idea he'd immediately shut down. What if he had a flash while in therapy? Could some poor therapist deal with an assassin?

"Just for today?" A hand smooths down her back. "I don't want to remember today. I just want today with us."

[reluctantaccessory]

"A therapist? It's a good idea, in theory..."

She has the feeling that he had shut that idea down as soon as it was mentioned, though she understood why. If he did have a flash in the middle of a session there was even the slightest chance that he wouldn't come back home to her. However, if he did break? She wondered what she could do to bring him back if he got to that point. Was there anything?

"I'm going to keep reminding you of this, being a broken record...you can trust me. With anything." She just wants him to know that if he can't speak to anyone else, he could with her.

She nods burying her face into his chest. "We can do that, a little longer even, if you want. Just us."

[delta_one]

He wraps his arms around her, keeping her close and breathing in the faintly floral scent of her hair. In theory, a lot of things were good ideas, but unleashing someone like Jason Bourne on a therapist was assuredly not one of them.

"I know. But I don't want you to be afraid of me," he murmurs softly. Marie is his anchor, the one thing that keeps David firmly in control. Where he needs to be. "I just want to be who I should have been all along."

[reluctantaccessory]

Marie shuts her eyes when he wraps his arms around her, letting herself relax a little bit.

"I'm not afraid of you. Not of you." She murmurs back, her voice slightly muffled. With a breath, she shuts her eyes for a few moments and just stays still before adding, "I just want to help you to do that, to stay that person. Let me help you, if you don't want a therapist to. Let me shoulder some of this with you, my love."

She wraps her arms around him, a simple attempt to keep him in place.